Decision Making for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Families

Navigating your family’s path forward

Decision making for PDA families can seem impossible at times. As parents, we face countless decisions every day. For parents of a PDA child, the challenges are even greater, requiring accommodations and support in all environments. The only way to see change is to create space for a new path to emerge and guide us forward. This can be accomplished by looking at the decisions we make as a family.

Navigating decisions through the PDA lens can seem impossible at times. Coupled with the pressures of being a good parent and society’s expectations of what makes a “good” kid, we often feel like we’re failing. This feeling intensifies, especially when we’re accommodating our children outside of society’s norms. However, by carefully weighing our options and prioritizing our family’s needs, we can make the best choices for our children. Examining our constraints helps ensure these decisions are beneficial for our families as well. Allowing us to let go of all the parts of society that no longer work for us, providing peace and stability.

Decision Making

  • Acceptance: Acceptance involves embracing your child and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) by understanding their unique nervous system. This mindset shift prepares you to make decisions through the lens of PDA, while considering their specific needs, strengths, and challenges. By wearing ‘PDA glasses,’ you gain insight into their perspective, guiding you to make empathetic and effective parenting choices that honor their individuality.
  • PDA Glasses: Once we discover our child may be PDA, it’s crucial to ensure that our ‘PDA glasses’ are on every time we make decisions for or with them, for both their benefit and that of our family. Even though your PDA child may very well have sensory needs or even a dual diagnosis of some sort, their pervasive drive for autonomy needs to be acknowledged first in every decision-making process. This intense need for control over their environment and interactions will take precedence over any sensory or behavioral needs.
  • Mindset Shift: It’s understandable that many parents of children with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) have spent years navigating various lenses, such as the sensory lens, behavioral lens, and even considerations of potential misdiagnosis. Each lens offers a different perspective on understanding and supporting your child’s needs. The sensory lens helps in recognizing sensory sensitivities or needs, while trying to provide appropriate accommodations. The behavioral lens assists in addressing challenging behaviors, while working to find effective management strategies. Some families may have been led to a misdiagnosis, working through a lens that doesn’t quite fit their child. Despite their efforts, they haven’t found success in figuring out how to best help and accommodate their child, so they continue with what they have at that time.
  • Drive For Autonomy: Despite addressing these aspects, it’s crucial to recognize that the fundamental aspect of PDA is the drive for autonomy. Understanding and acknowledging this core aspect can guide parents in deciding which accommodations are best for their child. These accommodations and environments should respect their child’s autonomy, while still providing necessary support and structure. It’s a delicate balance that requires continual adaptation. Understanding their unique needs and perspectives is essential in this process.

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Decision Making

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